Wandering with the Wind...

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Had Physics SPA today. Wasn't that bad, I overestimated it a tad too much. The only one with a higher difficulty level is question 2b, in which we're supposed to find the diameter of a ball without using the vernier calliper; we can only use 2 wooden blocks, 2 set-squares and 2 rulers. Haiz...at first I didn't get how to do it, but in the end I took the vernier calliper principle and yeah...

I'm damn insulted in Math today. It's as though I've just been thrown down a deep dark well full of frosty winter water. I spent 2 hours working on a math worksheet and in the end I didn't even get a MARK! You know, a MARK, like a GRADE. The only words the teacher wrote were "See me. Redo. P". Hell she didn't even bother to write "presentation" out in full!

I mean, I don't CARE if she gives me a fail grade. 0 or ANYTHING. I just want a grade, no matter how bad it is, to at least KNOW that my effort has been acknowledged. Seriously...this is a gigantic blow to my own self confidence. That worksheet is the only math one I've spent that much time on, and I've been calculating over and over, squeezing all my brainjuice, thinking of every possible logic I can think up.

But in the end nothing happens. Where on earth did all my efforts go??? Down the drain? Beyond the universe? Into vacuum and inexistence??? What the HELL???!!!

It's not that I DON'T WANT TO PUT IN EFFORT. It's because I don't know WHEN MY EFFORTS WILL EVER BUD. Darn! It's so easy for others to say "get 4.0 for math. Improve!!!" but how the HECK am I supposed to do that, and in such a short timespan too? Dammit. DAMN DAMN DAMN. I feel so...insulted.

That's the worst insult I've ever gotten in my life so far. I don't care about all those unpleasant names my mom has addressed me with; whateva dog or something. I DON'T CARE!!! Because it's got nothing much to do with me. I don't put in effort to stop her from doing these stuff anyway, cuz I've tried and now I don't bother anymore. They won't even listen, like I'm some annoying fly buzzing around their ears. Amendment: Not even being in the position to buzz around their ears.

ALL I care about, if you talk about dignity in this stupid society and education system, is to be ACKNOWLEDGED of whateva stupid efforts I had put in. I can neglect all of your views, think that I'm stupid, that I'm hopeless in Math, but I've PUT IN EFFORT and I WANT it to be accepted. Whatever way you want. I don't care what the heck you wanna do.

HELL just don't give me a who-cares-about-your-stuff kind of remark!!!

Haiz...agitation. Darn.

Anyway no Chinese oral today, taking next week. Ain't that happy?

BeyondxHatred accepted my invitation to be my C2 community staff. I'm glad he/she accepted, which means we can be fellow writer friends. Oh and I signed up for Beta Reader on fanfiction.net, hope it works. Will ask Denise for some advice.

No time now, nid to do Japanese sakubun corrections and homework...I guess I'll cya then. Bye. Night.

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~~~*The Winds struck at 8.15pm*~~~

Aurinya blogged at 7:56 PM

Roaming the Winds