Wandering with the Wind...

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Az won 1st place in the Illuminative Competition thing! I think it's a really pleasant surprise for all of us. She now gets 500 bucks and I really hope that she won't be starving herself again. Though uh, I can't help but feel slightly dejected about this...I mean yes, she's one of my closest friends and I'd love to be able to whole-heartedly say sappy things like "her joy is my joy" but, BUT, I think I must be honest with my feelings. .__. I somehow don't really know what to feel. It kinda makes me feel wretched.

I mean, she's my friend and of course I'm happy for her achievements, and besides I didn't even participate in this competition in the first place so I don't see why I'm feeling so emo about my art. But it just kinda makes me feel like my art isn't good enough, you know? It's just this tricky limbo state between joy and dejection. I've never won top 3 in Art before...well, technically I've only participated in 1 competition, which is the Extravaganza thing last year for which I only got an Honorary Mention. It would really look stupid next to a pedestal for the first.

I think all this worrying is coming from an uncertainty I have about my future. I want to pursue arts, but that means that I must be really goodin Art and my results and points and everything must be good enough to get a scholarship. The prob is right now my results are dropping, my LEAPS record sucks, and I only have 1 Art Competition Achievement whereby I didn't manage to get top 3. I don't think this is enough to even be considered for a half-scholarship, despite having the newly added TXY committment to my testimonials. How am I ever going to be as good as I want to be?

Competitiveness puts me off but I realized I can't help it for myself either. I get pressurized too easily. And when I'm pressurized I pressurize myself even more by thinking that everything I do is pretty much not up to standard. The main reason why I put so much emphasis on Art is because I suck so much in the sciences and everything, I dump all my hopes in Art which is the one subject I am better at and am actually actively passionate about. And I end up wanting to be the best in this subject, because I can't be so in other subjects.

Sigh nvm, I must not let this emo mood overwhelm me. I must be a good friend and congratulate Az whole-heartedly - it's not like it's her fault or anything, there's nothing wrong with achieving 1st place, just something wrong with me and my inconfidence issues. I'll climb out of this depression soon anyway.

I hope she puts her 500 bucks into good use, she could really do with financial presents. :)

PS: Was down with 38+ fever yesterday and saw Joey and Niki on 190 bus today. I have 2-day MC but both are down the drain since my parents made me go to school anyway. Exciting things happen huh.

***

~~~*Played with the winds at 9.38pm*~~~

Aurinya blogged at 9:27 PM

Roaming the Winds

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

15th Mar 2011 (Tuesday) *We have hols?

So yes, we have hols? I don't think we can be so sure now hm? Gah I feel so guilty - that's practically the only way you can truly get a proper hol anymore I realised. Sinful pleasure. *snickers*

Anyway yes, I feel guilty because I wasted my past two days being tremendously unproductive. Well having 4h of drawing is in my own terms productive, but unfortunately I cannot gauge by my standards (since when was anyone able to gauge by their own standards? J maybe). =_= 3h of tuition isn't nearly enough to match up to those muggers who could have done 32h of studying already. I feel so dodo.

But I want a goddamn break! *cries* I mean, what's the point of calling it a MARCH HOL if you have 4 PTs at hand and intensive tuition classes and a whole bunch of revision to do before SAs come in 2 weeks afterwards??? Everyone's rushing off like scary muggers and I'm left blinking stupidly in the dust. I. want. a. goddamn. break.

(School answers "No")

Sigh. Man sometimes I feel like I can spend forever lamenting about the SG education system. If my school can cleverly decide to change "Free Block" to the name "Study Block", I think MOE will decide to be clever someday too and change "Holiday" to "Study Week." It's a humane excuse for an inhumane purpose.

"You have a week off to chiong the four projects I have just given you. Enjoy your week!" Yeah. I will. Try.

Alright whatever, let's forget about the not-so-vacational holiday...to....THE JAPAN QUAKE!!! Oh my goodness it's a friggin' 8.9! And I'd love to be humanely sympathetic to the entire affected population of Japan, and of course I do feel bad for them and hope the best for them, but I find myself selfishly worried about Naruto's mangaka Kishimoto Masashi and voice actress Takeuchi Junko! I wasn't able to sleep properly for 2 days because I was so damn worried. Takeuchi turned out to be ok. But KISHI. KISHIIII. What if he died? What if he's hurt real bad? What if he's stuck in some ulu place unable to ask for help? What if he's unable to contact the rest of the world?

RUMOURS OF HIS DEATH DON'T HELP. I don't like these rumours. They give me the chills and make me bristle at the prospect that certain someones could be enjoying their sadistic pleasures. Sigh.

At any rate...Jys Japan! Hang in there!

(Blogger friggin' cut out the rest of my post thus the truncated ending)

～～～*Played with the winds at 9.59pm*～～～

Aurinya blogged at 9:31 PM

Roaming the Winds