" height="40" playcount="2"/>
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Okay. It's been...uh, 8 days since the first few symptoms of CP showed up last week.
Been staying at home. Well, not doing much, just randomly flipping through the textbooks and stuff, then do some of the homework my mom left for me, and the rest...is saved for resting. O_O Ah well. What I mean by resting is sitting in-front of of the com and watching Naruto all the way from the start - not like I could do anything else that requires large amounts of energy. No exercising, ask the doctor. And absolutely no going out.
Well, being as civic-minded as I can, that's all.
Hear me friends, this thing itches. Oh but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be; the way my mom's students made it sound was like...how many levels lower than hell. =.= Geez I wish people could add something like "in my opinion" or "so I think" into whatever they say. At least that decreases the credibility a little - and in this case I really don't wanna believe in what they say man. They blow things up way bigger than their original size.
I'm not saying that I'm disappointed at the difference between my experience and their accounts. Actually I'm kinda glad that it wasn't as bad, u know.
Hmm...but I have to admit the first day was hell. Just the first day though. I woke up at 3am in the morn tossing around in bed (gingerly) and I couldn't fall asleep, cuz really, this thing HURTS more it itches - surprisingly - and actually it's both, so I had to plug in my earphones and listen to music in bed till I get the sleepy doze. LOL. Haiz. *Shakes head* terrible. And when I woke up the next day my dad was like "what the hell u doin'" - in chinese, of course. Aw man. They won't understand.
But they may, soon enough.
Bwahahhahaaa. I'm evil. Well yea, not like I can stop it anyway, I may spread CP to them whenever I BREATHE. Not to mention talk. Lol, pray to heaven that they don't catch it ba.
Things happened over the week. Argh of course they do - but, er, well...one weird thing happened to my mom yesterday morn, at around 8 am. She was walking out of the mrt station when this crow just shot down from a nearby tree and pecked her hard on the head. O_O Ain't it weird? Oh and it stalked her for quite some distance too, till she crossed this fork in the road. Then it disappeared.
Dang the crows and their ominous symbols. Actually I'm not really worried about this sign, cuz personally I don't feel anything bad in intuition, or weird feelings, but something does unsettle me. Trust me, it's not all the chinese superstition towards crows that got into my head. But the way the crow acted was a little weird. I don't care about the pecking. I'm caring more about why it stalked my mom till the crossroad, then it just stopped altogether and flew away. Perhaps I should check up the symbollic meaning; it's better not to ignore a feeling that gnaws at you.
Feelings that gnaw are not feelings that should be ignored.
Goodness, I feel like Gaara.
Argh. Too much Naruto-ness these days - but it is a good anime, really, one of my favourites. Somehow I just wish I really knew a person like Naruto; well, it's a great encouragement ain't it, to know that someone like him really exists in this world trying to prove himself...haiz, if only it was all true. Well, if it was vice versa, that is...if I was an orphan in his world, I'd be, perhaps, one of the first to accept him as a friend. That is if I could beat Iruka to it. Hehe.
He is an amazing person. Naruto. The way he could live on by the pure strength of his belief is amazing, and all his efforts to walk a path different from that of which fate had enforced him unto...are inspiring. I dunno, whenever I think of that boy, there are just weird emotions within me that I can't really explain. Perhaps I could have, if I was in a different time and different place. But not now. They feel too vague, too uncertain, too small and too fleeting. I can never catch the true meanings of their presence.
For one thing...I think one of them is longing. An empty longing for that kind of companionship that could be forged within that world, other worlds, right now in this time of ours, doesn't seem possible at all. And there's nostalgia, too. Like I'm missing something that I had a long time ago. Maybe I'm missing my dream companions too much that it's become a subconscious instinct to arouse such feelings? Or am I wondering too much, aimlessly alone?
Time seems so long. Roads seem so far.
And our hearts...seem so vast.
Fancy how I could feel inclined towards a world such as that in which Naruto lived. A world of bloodshed, cruelty, betrayal, a world in which life-and-death situations dwell in abundance throughout every single phase of ur life. How would I like it? Because there are other things, too. There is companionship, friendship, loyalty, trust, bonds whose strength surpasses all that people may have feared. Death. Torture. Pain. Failure. Together these unbreakable bonds could penetrate them all. Perhaps that is why I liked that world. Why I had such a longing for it.
But on the other hand, it may seem like fantasy that such friendship exists. And with it there are other things that I may not like in that world; darkness, loss, desperation, helplessness, a ruthless hierarchy in which strong devours the weak...
Seems like I should reconsider my conclusions at times.
The truth so far is that reality is never as perfect as idealism may be. Reality is rooted; idealism is not. Reality is caged; idealism is free. Reality is the present; idealism is an uncertain mythical future. And whilst we dwell within the caged reality, however, things outside...things that are free, things that belong to the mystic realms of idealism...seem impossible. Unreachable. Sadistic existence that never fails to tease every one of us within the cage.
Caged birds.
Reminds me of that caged bird poem last year during lit exam. I didn't really bother to empathize much from every perspective presented in the poem, but some part of me unconsciously did. What did the author mean? Could he/she have tried to tell us something, a little bit of ourselves?
Back to Naruto. It's kinda sad, ain't it, that people all around right now seem so strong and formidable, especially in a school like RG. I remember Beckham once said that, compared to a school where everyone was in harmony with no competition, she preferred a school like RG where we could find competitiveness in every single thing. Hahas. Different people have different likings I guess, and different reasons for that.
For me though, I hate it.
Ah well, I guess I've finally started being a little more frank in this post eh? Well apparently...seems like my personality won't serve me well even if I really got to Naruto's world. Lols...a world where competition could ultimately crush ur fate, or make it shine, whatever, it's actually kind of...worse.
And perhaps, the reason why that kind of friendship could strive in Naruto's world is because of the environment they exist in. Skirmishes, war, conspiracy...and in this kind of environment, it's almost impossible to survive without a strong bond. They needed support. It was a need.
A need.
Unlike now, in our world, where it is only a casual desire.
You see, that's what makes the difference. When we need something, and when circumstances force us to need it, we'll make for it, and it will come. But when it is a desire, we're presented with a choice. We could undergo all that trouble for it, but when we all know we need not to, and just perhaps there may be other...easier ways, we give up on it. And we give up on every route we've found, believing there may be shorter cuts to our goals. That's why.
That's why that sort of companionship exists in Naruto's world, and never in ours.
Come to think of it, our world is safer, more complicated, more advanced, and people have begun to engage in wars that are more of cold than any other types available. Cold wars. We are not ninjas. They fight with weapons, visible offensives - whereas we, we do with our minds, our hearts, our skills. We've all developed a barrier between ourselves and the outer world. We've isolated ourselves from others out there.
Privacy. Freedom of thought. Freedom of choice. Etc etc.
That may be the other reason as to why that friendship doesn't come about here.
Oh well, I guess CP's still in my head, I'm ranting once more. Emo ranting. Once again. I guess my emoness didn't really diminish from sec 1 after all...it's still here...haiz.
Guess it's best for me to get going.
And btw, CP does NOT mean Christopher Paolini. It means Chicken Pox.
Oh yea! Can't believe I forgot. It's stuff from a week ago. I scored 10/10 for my math SA! First time ever! Woohoo! Well actually it wasn't a real full mark, in my opinion. I had one mark deducted from the original set cuz I didn't factorise the answer completely for one question, but it didn't matter cuz I managed to do the 3m bonus question so it was still 10/10.
Haiz but now's not the time for me to rejoice over it. I've only just improved. And this 2 weeks CP thing's gonna make me lag behind for all my subjects - again. And math most of all. Math and Chem. I dunno, I thought I had managed to dispel my fear towards math, but I think some of the aftertaste of all the bitter experiences I had with that suject...just lingers. Well don't worry. This happens. I'm sure I'll get out of this sooner or later.
Lol, thinking of Naruto again. That's why I could say that sort of thing in the first place. That anime gives me confidence, even if there's no solid proof whatsoever that I may really do well after that, but at least for now...the confidence alone is a good feeling.
I don't like that terrible feeling in P6 and sec 1, and I don't want any more of it. The emptiness and INconfidence...that's why confidence is perhaps all I need for now. The main thing I need.
Okay, too much ranting, time to shut up. Cya, gud night, I know this is abrupt, but yea, accept the truth. Lol...***~~~*Played with the winds at 11.39pm*~~~
Monday, February 23, 2009
Right, let's get this straight.
I caught chicken pox last Friday.
And we're supposed to be having exams this wed; geog, history, lit, and I'm MISSING THEM ALL!!! And there's Jap on friday - Jap common test 1! The first exam of the year and I'm gonna miss it. Goodness. Mrs Tan says I shouldn't rush back so quickly, well, something about recovering fully lest I catch the risk of getting shingles later in life. But...all the lessons...!
And 4 guitar sessions! 4 x 3 hours of basics...!
*Breathes and holds head* Okay...okay...clam down...
Argh. Well yea I'm on 2 weeks mc. Have to self-study and all...not a nice prospect...><
Okay I'm a lil tired here so I think I won't bother to lubricate the links between the different topics I'm gonna blog about so...just...follow me when u see things take awkward turns suddenly, okay? ^^ Like that you're gonna be fine. Just fine.
Hmm yup. So...just now I logged on and I saw this weird username trying to add me to his contact list, so yea, and it was MW. O_O Apparently Bren gave him my contact details...=.=
Oh well it's not too bad afterall. In fact it's not bad at all. Pretty nice to have one more 6G'07 contact on ur list, ain't it? We're all missing each other. At least those whom we know more and would remember clearer than some others.
Nostalgia. Haiz...
And somemore MW is a good artist friend to be with. He's one of the rarer ones who can really take any of ur weakness in art as though it's nothing but mere dust in the air - well, prevailing, sort of, in his own philosophies. He's a curious person. You can count on him coining all his philosophical phrases and conjuring his life principles, and abiding by them all the same; he's that sort of boy. Hahas. Interesting soul.
Ah so yea...I changed my blogmusic. O.O Now it's even more emo than last time; it's from Naruto, u see, and Naruto has loads of deep and sad scenes. I love this music. It sounds so...isolated, just like Gaara or Chiyoba at the Sand Village facing a setting sun...u know, I can imagine the ball of crimson gold up in the sky, shining in your face, and think of it, what would it be like for those who could see it, who could know it, who could recognise it's other-wordly smile, and yet not feel its warmth? To them it must be cold. So cold, so still, so...dead.
Haiz. Dang, I'm emoing again. And dang 2, my mom's screaming. I guess I gotta go off. Cya then~ Bfore my mom hunts me-!***~~~*Played with the Winds at 9.23pm*~~~
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Argh as I thought, I wasn't able to blog yesterday cuz my parents were suddenly a little spiky about me getting on the com so...um, happy (belated) Valentine's Day ppl! I'm so sorry for not blogging on the day itself. You know, the significance...
Haiz. I guess, since there wasn't too much of that "significance" now, I'll just post up a picture of my sketch of that rose I bought. The sketch sucked, of course, I'm still learning, and I did it in a rush of 45 minutes, and since there wasn't a well-defined light source (in the classroom), I did the shading out of visualization and feeling so yea. Here it is though, as a Val Day gift from me to you. Thought I at least owe u guys that much.
Hmm lots of things happened over the past few days though. It was kinda my best Valentine's Day ever - okay, remove that "kinda". It was ultimately the best so far. Firstly on Friday, Val Day eve - otherwise known, for this year, as Friday the Thirteenth - after Jap lesson, the truest surprise I had in years came. Just a normal night, normal dinner, a normal $2 rose I bought in school (actually for myself - naw, just for drawing and to love that flower for a while) and gave to my mom, and the abnormal thing happened when my mom and I walked out of Lot One.
I was just getting my bike, and I could really still feel that sudden rush of...emotion that I felt when I saw it. I was practically all "oh my gawd"s.
Tiffy totally made my day. XD Well yup, as u guys may have guessed (or not), she left one of her two roses in my bike basket. It was the pink one, for friendship I guess. The feeling was wonderful - I may write a poem about it when I have time and am in the mood to do so. I guess...it's like, years since I had ever felt so touched.
You guys may think it's no big deal, but it is for me. A real, genuine surprise that makes you feel so warm is one of the best things for Valentine. Even if it's from a friend.
Really.
In school I thought I wasn't gonna receive any roses at all, and some ppl had LOADS. But it wasn't that "LOADS" that I cared so much about; well, I was just thinking that I would love to have one rose from someone I cared for. And well yup as I thought I didn't get any, and I wasn't feeling too bad about it cuz I didn't BUY any for anybody too (dang the teddybear thing cuz I bought one for my mortal and in the end they couldn't fulfill all the orders so I got REFUNDED). Hehe. But TIFF, YOU MADE MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aw man. I felt a lil like crying - but for once it was happy and not the usual emo. XD There's still a bit of hollowness when I think back on Valentine, but it's really, really, really...my best Val Day so far.
I was talking with Dragon the other day - stuff about relationships; after all that just seems to tangle life so much. He was saying - and I agreed - that I may have problems securing love in future. Well, yea, cuz one of my (sometimes good sometimes stupid) philosophies is that love is supposed to be free, and if one person is happy with the other, let him be happy. I dunno, it's just my mindset. It helped me to deal with all that P6 thing and all - and apparently the triangle crap was just a confusion, or so I'd like to think. Unless it wasn't. Haiz...
Actually I don't like digging in this subject too much. It's one of the deepest and shallowest topics you can find in life's philosophy though, depends on what situations. Denise once said that, in her opinion, people who write love poems are shallow. And *cough* I did have a strong feeling that she meant me and my Primrose Bloom poem. Oh gawd forget it.
So on to the next thing, that was on Valentine's Day itself, which is...yesterday. I had to attend art lesson with Endro and Mao in the morn, so yup. Endro wrapped us presents. It was amazing - beautiful, and the chocolates and sweets were wonderful. Thanks EN~! I love the sweetness of friendship; it's warm like the chocolate caramel, cool like the sweet against your tongue, soft as that cotton fruit candy. And above all it's the purple wrapping that wrapped so much time in it - the time of friendship, time of love...
It was sweet. Really sweet.
Hmm so we sketched people during the lesson, not much happening in the lesson save for Mao thanking Endro profusely for the present, and the teacher (surprisingly) actually released us on time! So yup we three took the LRT together to Lot One, and since my parents were both off to the Driving Centre and learning their honkers, I allowed myself to get persuaded by Endro to eat lunch at Lot One. XD It was great.
Nothing feels better, perhaps in a teen-like-me life, than to be out alone with your friends (in this case, my ART friends - quite some difference, u know) and eating Teriyaki. ^^ Mao got himself curry chicken, and Endro and I ate the same thing. I didn't have money though, so she lent me $4.80. Gotta remember that. I hate being weighed down with debts.
Though I'm a little puzzled at why it doesn't apply to me and the library. I can just forget every single thing about my books bfore the notifications come and my parents start firing missiles at me.
And even then I can still forget.
Haiz. Haha oh, and we had quite some chat throughout the lunch. We exchanged blogs, for one thing, and I wasn't surprised when I found Endro spamming Mao's tagbox. HAHAHAHA it was so typically HER. ^^ Yup, so we were talking about Valentine's Day, and Mao told Endro that next time she should spend it with her boyfriend. O.O And then there were some pretty tense things going on...
Pardon me, guys, but I'm gonna put a scene of ur chat here.
(Edited based on my "dilapidated" memory O.O - flashes nervous smile at Ms Lim)
____________________________________________
ME: This Valentine's Day Lunch feels nice.
MAO: Yea, next time you should spend it with your boyfriend.
ME: *Ignores - or at least leaves it to Endro*
ENDRO: (Rises to the occasion magnificently) *coughs* Ahem...(blahblah - can't remember ^^") You feel very suspicious...
Silence.
MAO: What. Don't get it wrong, I'm not in love with you or anything -
ENDRO: *coughs* Ahem ya I know - *cough*
ME: Uh...
MAO: O_O
ENDRO: No, what I'm saying is that are u suspecting that I have a boyfriend? I don't.
MAO: Oh I see...
_____________________________________________
Ya something like that. Hmm well, in conclusion (sry, was doing too much of Geog and History PEELs and FAs), it was a nice lunch and we all had a great time together - *ignores the above script* - and yup. Oh and Endro and I went to the library together, then she had to go at 3 - or was it 4 - and I stayed in the library till almost 6. Was reading. Found 2 wonderful books; it's so darn hard to get good books that can keep you reading without putting it down too much these days. Haiz...I do hope authors can write the type of stories that now exist in my nostalgia...
And before I forget, I think it's better if I tell you about my dreams. These few days I've been having LOADS of them; not roses or anything, nothing Valentine-y, just...totally weird and random stuff that feels so darn long and I could feel the time in them.
The first one was about fighting. This bunch of people - including me - stuck in a damn messy building that's like a labyrinth of rooms u can't walk out of, and two of our companions were fighting against this woman who was kinda pretty powerful. The rest of us were watching from the slit of a - cowardly - opened door. O.O It was kinda scary. One guy was fighting with a fan - he had long black hair, looked a bit like Neji from Naruto I think. Haiz...what's gotten into me...
It was one of the lower frequency dreams I had I think.
Well the next was in this weird magician show or something. This boy was standing on a stage that was so darn high it reached the skies, but not in the clouds, and it was evening with a sky-blue sky (feel free to O_O at the description). No clouds btw. Lights upon him, audience at the bottom. We were watching him conjure rubber duckies from that distance - the duckies looked so darn small and he kept conjuring, and there were loads of them, with floating letter "Z"s behind them. Yea, ZZZZZZ meant sleeping. Either that, or Diao.
THANKS to Ying Jiao's rubber bathtub duckie that she brought to school the other day. =.= I'm just glad that those in my dream didn't have pink floats around their necks.
So...on to the third.
We were at this theme park thingy, my parents, me, and a younger sister and an elder brother (just companions in the dream). Yea my parents went with the other bunch of adults into this old ancient Chinese building (something like a hotel), and I was in charge of the two kids. It's a lil weird huh, now that I think back on it, why wasn't my "elder brother" in charge? And instead I had to take care of HIM.
Well, not much of a problem, cuz he disappeared mid-dream anyway.
Uh so this little sister...she had short black hair, and wore a lace dress that was down to her knees. Can't remember what color. Either purple or pink or white (not purely that color though. It was a combination). Yea she kept running through this game thing. It was like obstacle race - lots of buildings we had to run through, and there were many playgrounds, toilets, in bright daylight, and I had to chase after her. She ran damn fast. One moment she's behind me, the next she's dunno where. So yup, I kept finding her at this place which was like...
There was a small brown wooden door, the ground was covered with leaves that felt white but consisted of another color (can't remember what), and there was a sakura tree with pink petals above my lil sis. She kept going there. Always. And I would always find her there, then tell her "let's go back", and lead her through this tunnel thing that was made of rock and wasn't entirely underground. It's dark in the inside. But she would always disappear afterwards.
So then she really disappeared, and I couldn't find my way back to her "place". Joined in with my parents. They were touring the hotel, and I remember once they were (ridiculously) staring at this advertisement for one of those feet-massage services and they were actually (ridiculously) considering it - well, the price was damn unreasonable after all. Bwahahahahha all the ridiculous things that can happen in a dream...
And I saw oranges. Dunno where, just like an insert of an image before my eyes. O.O Hell lot of them.
Ah and then the tourguide stopped before this shop which had a sign before it talking about birds that existed (only) in the hotel, and I was looking at this species which was grayish-white with a streak of green down its back. In the picture it wasn't very small, but then I turned around and saw one streak past (damn fast) through the clearing, and it was as small as...six ikan bilis.
Let's just take it that u got the description.
I forgot the other dreams. *Smacks head for not posting earlier*
Hmm but I do remember part of one I had today. It was sometime just before I woke up, whereby I dreamt of a soldier in pale brown uniform in a cavalry. The commander had a bushy black moustache that went down in two directions, and he was shouting an order; apparently that soldier defied cuz he turned away and galloped off on his horse, and the commander was like telling the others not to worry, cuz the soldier would lose himself there anyway or something like that.
I was watching all this from the top of a tree. The area was like a plain - full of trees though, and no mountains, just a stretch of grass-covered land and trees. Withering trees. Apparently it was something like Autumn going on to Winter. So then I heard a rustle to my left and the soldier climbed up the tree there; I told him to stay silent (OH and I was wearing white and had long black hair - dunno why) and he obeyed. I remember putting a finger at my lips to gesture. Well he caught it, and yea. We just stooped to watch.
And I woke up. Argh geez. =.=
Oh well. I guess I've really said enough. Tomo long day, I DON'T GET WHAT THE HELL THE CHEM PT'S TALKIN ABOUT AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO TEST THE SUBSTANCES' PROPERTIES TOMORROW, and I have to bring the guitar to school cuz got practice. Mr Chua will help us tune the guitars tho; mine's kinda off-tune already. They say new guitars tend to get off-tune pretty easily, that is, for some time; then u can have it all a bliss. They'll teach us how to tune anyway. No big deal.
Aw man I'm tired. Naw more of my fingers. They've been typing for a long long time...
Long long ago...
Okay I'm nuts. Gotta go, cyas. Wish me good luck for my Chem...T.T***~~~*Played with the Winds at 10.22pm*~~~
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Aw man, tired.
Tired. Tired. Tired.
I just managed to chiong finish the jap compo which was...about learning jap, ironically, that I don't really have much to write about. Things get tougher in sec 2. Harder grammar and sentence structures (and kanji), u see.
Oh and we got our Chem PT today. 2 weeks to complete it. Ain't that great?
Well, I'm feeling a little emo. Ok more of tired, I guess. Actually it's because I was talking with Dragon and it was gonna be Valentine's day soon so we talked about some stuff in school, and other things. Seems like we're both stuck in similar situations. Can't blame him for what he found himself in anyway.
Just like I can't wholly blame myself.
Hmm so yup...wrote this long long review for a very poorly-written parody in the DC fandom yesterday, whereby the spelling and grammar was sorta seriously off-track. And the author replied me today that "parody was supposed to be satire" and it was a "crude imitation of a serious piece of literary work" - a touch of sarcasm in her voice, could sense it.
Fine.
If that's the case then she (actually it was 'they') did a very bad job on it. Parody, however "crude" the imitation can get, may not necessarily mean making a mess out of the bunch of language u had available at hand. Parody doesn't mean sticking pins into ur readers' eyes. Parody doesn't mean stagnant "humor" that doesn't even wrench a single laugh out of our guts.
Writing parody doesn't mean u can make a mess out of language.
There are certain rules u need to follow, u know. And respect for readers; if u ever want good response, as u said "200 reviews before the next chapter", I suggest u take up that basic bit of responsibility for providing ur readers the best u can do.
I'm not denying your ability to write. U did well for BOTH ur profile pages, u know. Just that perhaps it'll be better if u can stop using internet chatlog in ur stories. And MIND YOUR SPELLING.
Lol I realized I began talking to her instead of u guys. Well, back to the topic.
Haiz. I'm finding it hard to get chem PT out of my head.
So...I'm gonna look at some Jap. I'm not gonna post my compo here tho, later some stupid problems like plagarism and I have to explain myself out of a whole bunch of terrible things...
Eewk.
Oh Jolyn gave us all lollipops for friendship week and Val day, ate them during lit lesson. (Getting hasty, mom nagging). Um yea and...uh...did sonnets for lit too. Sonnets - octaves, sestets (spelt this way?) OH WHO CARES...
Headache.
Ugh so yea. I guess it's getting a little darker in the night and I should be getting off. Will tell u guys the dreams - don't trust me that much tho - sometime o'er the next few days. Well yup.
I'm missing my fanfic-writing days...
And I'm changing the footnote again. For utter randomness and a sudden, irrational, unexplainable thirst for some change here. Things do need to be livelier at times.***~~~Dreamed with the Winds at 11.44pm*~~~
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I bought my guitar yesterday night! XD Right after school - I went to lot one and asked around if the Yamaha music school was still there, but they said it was gone after the rennovation. So yup, we went to Causeway point and chose one at Symphony music school; it costs about $488, cuz the teacher said it was better not to buy guitars that cost cheaper than 400, due to quality and everything. Mm hm. Oh well, apparently there's some problem whereby my picture doesn't show itself on the blog. I'm so sorry about that. >< _______________________________
Mine's a darker color. The lighter one (though prettier) was $888 so I didn't wanna buy it. I love the sound - well, the sound of guitars generally. I'm posting a pic of my guitar here. XD
_______________________________
Or soon enough.
Well my cute lil hyper junior got into Ang Klung, but HL didnt get into anything so she's considering UG. And guess what, they even have trials for NCC! What about those ppl who can't get in...?
Argh nevermind. I'm doing Jap e-learning and surfing sogou for music at the same time. I think I'll sign off now. Too tired.
Cya, nighties~!
Will tell you the dreams tomorrow. ***~~~*Played with the winds at 11.07pm*~~~
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I think I'm back to emoing again for now; wanted to blog just so that I could escape into my own world for awhile. Things have been so bustling lately. They're getting on my mind - pushing other things out, pushing me off that path I would like to walk and have been walking. For one thing I'm totally not writing these few days. I'm doing a little bit of scrapy drawing practice, and then it's back to homework. I haven't really been in contact with music recently too; whenever I sit in-front of the piano and try to blend a few chords together into some random composition, like I always used to love doing, things don't come to me anymore.
Because I realized I've started to think more now. Think, instead of feeling as I always did (and solely) in my earlier years. That's why everything comes to my mind now, instead of where they should have gone. And the main thing is...I can never create purely with my mind.
I can never create with my mind, if they don't come to my heart.
Really, I dunno what I should do. Most probably just let things go by their natural way, and watch in my wait. Nowadays whenever an obstacle is about to come, especially a pretty significant one, I would sense it earlier than the time it really came. Mostly about 1 or 2 days earlier, or just...some time. I dunno. Sometimes I try envisioning these obstacles. I'd find myself looking down at this long empty path with trees at the side and huge grey blocks in the middle - I take those as stumblers, and I'll watch out for them with a strong feeling that they'll always work out in the end.
And they always do.
For now, I guess, I'll take this as a good thing.
Well I think I don't have too much time for ranting today since my mom...=.=
So I'll just carry on with the registration of life in school today.
Let's see...I'm gonna make this fast. Really gtg. We watched Les Choristes today for CLE, it was a WONDERFUL movie, save or the fact that it's all in French, and I almost cried in the end. It's about this supervisor and a bunch of students (his choir in the end) and music. It's very very nice. Go watch it.
Heard me? Go watch it.
And I returned the NCC Uniforms through Viv today. She was real helpful - thanks a lot man! My mom made some things come off the uni, but I think they won't fuss too much about it. It's...er, repairable. O.O Is there such a word?
Argh my English.
Okay I'm feeling a lil dizzy now. And a little cold. I think...that's what we feel when we emo? O.O
Naw, maybe just for me.
I had a very long and weird dream yesterday. I dreamt of it (will not disclose name AND gender cuz it's very confidential) and there was this huge room with weird living beings and mechanisms inside. I remember this huge door and it was evening and It was unlocking the door. O.O Okay so we went inside and...yea...and there were classmates. Dunno why. Not 207 classmates or anyone I know - I guess my new bunch of dream companions? People who just sojourn and go?
I miss my old dream companions...T_T My mom says maybe they had to go cuz I've just finished one phase of my life...*sob* separation is so cruel. Haiz. Now I feel like there's a gaping hole in my dream world that I can never ignore.
It's like being thrown in into a vast world so huge and endless and yet your guides have all left you; everyone is unfamiliar, you know nobody, it's a constant meeting up with new people and weird places and weird atmospheres. Dreams used to be so naive and fun with them around.
Now that they're gone, I'm groping in all the unknowns lurking around me. I admit my dreams are still nice and with the quality they had the past few years, but...there really is a huge difference now. Things are no longer that simple.
Sometimes I dunno if I'm happy to meet new friends in my dreams instead of the same bunch of people. I really miss them all, but I'm also happy to interact with new people. I really dunno...
Oh well.
My mom woke me in the middle of that vast long dream (2 days on end okay...) so I had terrible headaches.
And we had Math Graded Assignment today. 15 min. 6 questions. And it was shifted 1 day forward.
IT WAS GOOD! I managed to do the bonus question and I had not much problem with the time management. Hope I don't fail. I really really hope I don't fail. So much responsibility on me to do at least as expected.
Darn. Gtg. So many things to say...
JH'S GONNA PLAY TOMO! Or at least she says probably she will. O.O
Um ok I really gtg. Cya. Night~***~~~*Played with the winds at 9.54pm*~~~
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Down with terrible headache for 2 days. It all started on Friday...felt very light-headed when I crawled out of bed in the morn and almost felt like smashing the alarm clock (or maybe more of muffling it cuz I didn't have strength), then didn't have any appetite, and went to school. O.O It was hell in school la...every single step on the stairs is crazy. Horrible throbbing on both sides of the head. And eye pain.
Oh well.
Went to see the doctor that night, skipped Jap, got an mc for Jap lesson, um...yea. Some medicine. I'm taking them (quite) regularly and the fever's basically gone, but sometimes I still get some throbbing in the head (especially after doing homework). So basically today went for Math Tuition, I think Mr Koh noticed that I wasn't feeling quite well, uh well actually the whole class seemed to be very down today. Dunno why.
Mr Koh said he believed he had sixth sense. O_O Right, well, he said he could feel that the class' energy level was pretty low. Intriguing words. Maybe I'll just observe him a bit more from now on.
Okay so just finished Chinese and ya...
Yesterday Endro and I went for Chinese New Year dinner at Zhang Wei Da's house - sensed some things, won't go into detail, and we saw black cats with flashing eyes and tried tracking them with telepathy. Actually worked. But I won't go in deeper cuz I'm tired of repeating it over and over - been doing it to the adults cuz they are so damn indecisive...one moment they say they believe a bit then they start contradicting their newly-gained belief so I'm kinda sick of it.
Pardon me for that.
I'll tell u guys more about it when I feel like it.
Um...
Oh and JH's gonna maple on Thursday (or so she says - not so guaranteed tho). She wants to be a mage - originally I wanted to make Eva go back to Vic and train her but I think it's better if she stays in Ossy for the time being; I just spent 80k to Oss and another 10k to ludi and then have to spend 90k back to vic again? Lol I don't think I'm gonna do that.
So I created another acc (male) and this guy's called Xieran - I think I'm gonna train him as sin or dit I havent really decided yet. But he's gonna walk the path of rogue and I think I'll train together with JH. So yup. Hope these things work. And Silver said that she may be able to get Baby to add Xieran to the guild - Baby's the Jr master I think. That would be nice.
Hope they have enough space to include JH too, if I'm not asking for too much.
Okay and JH said most likely no guitar practice for new guitar members tomo so I think I'll find myself going home right after school - that's good to know. Get rid of my school crap then maybe sort out some equips and training plans for ms. Wish me good luck. I don't wanna add wrong stats again.
And this time I've got all the details clear so I can use prepaid card to reset stats if I add wrong.
Hmm so yea. If I like it I may try a dexless sin - but that job seems to have more cons than pros (being ex, for one thing). All the scrolling and crap.
Okay I really gtg. Do some revision for Math graded assignment next Thurs. Cya then, gd night, and pls pls pls gawd don't let me have that headache in school tomo again...
We're doing Chinese descriptive essay...***
~~~*Played With the Winds at 9.13pm*~~~
Thanks to all the blogs the designer referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
