Wandering with the Wind...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Ahhhh!!! Taihen desu!!! I'm so sorry. Haven't been blogging even though exams ended last Friday, cuz I was busy reading Brisingr. Lying in bed and reading Brisingr till late into the night.

Gosh, Brisingr is AWESOME. AWESOME I TELL YOU. I can't wait for the fourth book!!!

It felt so...warming back then. So wondrous and inciteful and full of anticipation when Brendan first told me that Brisingr was out. I was like "WHAT? REALLY?" And I didn't know it!!! I've been forgetting about Eragon and Eldest for quite some time, maybe a year or two, since I last read finish the 2nd book.

But no, now it's back with a pang! And it's no longer the Inheritance Trilogy, it's the Inheritance Cycle now, with 4 books. How wonderful can this get? YES!!! Great job, Chris! Haha! He's doing a really blissful one, and conveying many things I'd like to convey to my readers in future including fanfics.

He's gotten more mature now. The way he portrayed things in his descriptions and stories are a tad of higher thinking than last time. It's true after all; you can really see a person through his or her works. I know there's much more in Chris, and I've only seen what's on the surface. But what's on the surface is already deep enough. I hold in reverance this author's great contribution to lightening my heart.

Really. It feels so nice to have Eragon in my mind once again. I can't believe I've been forgetting about it, what with all my distress and everything. But now it's back, he's back in my mind, Chris is writing more. And when I had it back, I felt so happy and as though I was in the world of Eragon. I wasn't in this world that I dreaded at times now; I was in Chris' world, I was watching everything happen before my mind's eye as I read his works. That is what I really enjoyed so much. It's as if I'm following Eragon and spying on him.

Just that...he didn't know I was there.

And sometimes that drives me off into a pang of longing. Not for Eragon, but for interaction. I long for interaction and communication and acknowledgement. What I feel, whenever I dive out of the book and realize that I'm still in my current world, I feel a sense of emptiness and great disappointment. It's just like waking up from a dream.

You'd never want it to end.

But it did, and things are always like that. I wonder if I'll cry before death. But since I'm starting to view it from the dimensional point of view, there's not much to fear, right? Not much to fear. Everything has a beginning and an end, and another beginning in the end. It's a cyclical process.

I really wish that...I don't know. I mean...many things in this world give me such pangs of loneliness and longing that I really want to be part of them. But how can I, if I'm separated by reality, barred off from entrance into the world of imaginations and...

I don't know. I really don't know. I'm so lost myself, I'm confused why I'd want to go to Eragon's world. It's full of fighting, murder, assassination, pressure, and difficult tasks...shadows, darkness, evils, enemies, betrayal...

But I realized there're also the wonderful things intertwined with such fates. Friendship, trust, love, hope. The way Saphira and Eragon were so close together made me want to scream in desperation within myself. The way things always came out to favour the good side. The way people would always arouse to defeat those who defeated them before. The way they used magic. The way they manipulated trust. The way they...established bonds.

The way they had loved each other, even in the midst of hatred, made me yearn for such things to really exist in this world.

But look around, the Africans, slave trades from history, barbaric wars, unfair distributions of food, starvations, economical giants who have everything in control...

Isn't this like living under Galbatorix?

Perhaps without the direct cruelty. But it is even worse, if you'd want to know. Such hidden ways of harming people may go undetected, and might not even be able to draw things to a final verdict. Take China's melamine milk powder, for instance, the way they could just harm the younglings of the Global Village.

Global Village.

Shouldn't this name strike us with shame? Global Village.

Why isn't it Global City?

Think. The word village itself, what does it mean? It means peace and harmony, love, trust, innocence, pure friendship, joy, freedom and most of all; a family. We're a family, the whole world is. But where is the love?

Are we walking away from unity, from our fathers and mothers, just like that?

Why, why would you throw away the excess food when there're Third World countries out there starving and stunting and wasting???

THINK!!! The world is not crazy. I know that as well as everybody does. But many have their minds corrupted by the desires for wealth, materialistic comforts, and a satisfaction that can be regarded as pure hollow.

I don't know what they're thinking. I don't know what I am thinking. I don't know what WE are thinking.

Is this how a family should be? Is it???

I don't care. What I meant about family isn't my type of family; I didn't mean the screaming sessions and craziness and losing it and no communications...like what happened last Friday. I screamed in my parents' because I lost it. I didn't know what I was thinking, I lost my senses, I was just practically a shrieking wreck.

I was stressed. I know my parents were, too, but somehow that has happened so many times, and so many times it couldn't be resolved with mere talking as we don't communicate, that I had to express everything in outbursts. In terrific outbursts. Just to awaken.

Everything broke loose. It was living hell for me at that moment. I remember my mom asking questions such as "very few beastly children who go crazy like you!"

And I screamed, "there are also very few parents like you who make their children go crazy!"

And there were many others. I think I said things such as "I'm crazy, that's it! I'm crazy!" And when my mom talked about another junior girl who scores really well everytime, I couldn't take it anymore.

So many people ahead of me. Xuan Xuan, Shan Shan, Zi Yan, Tian Jiao, Natasha...It's a never-ending list. And I screamed "WHO CARES ABOUT HER! I DON'T CARE! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I WANT MY OWN RIGHTS, BECAUSE I SHOULD HAVE THEM, AND YET I'M NOT!"

And my mom was saying, "WHY DO U KEEP CARING ABOUT UR OWN RIGHTS?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THEM! I NEED THEM! I WANT MY OWN RIGHTS! I'M BORN WITH IT, HELL!!!"

"WHY?"

"BECAUSE I WANT TO LIVE. I WANT TO BE ALIVE AND LIVE, NOT BE DEAD AND LIVE."

I'm shuddering at memories of that. It was the first time I really went crazy, and I locked myself in the room crying like siao. Said things to myself such as "Omg I'm crazy I'm crazy hahaha I'm crazy now what the hell..." and I tried to imagine my younger bro standing in-front of me so I could hug him.

I hugged the air. I hugged the pillows, hugged my piano, hugged the window, hugged myself. I was out of my mind then. Really out of my mind. I cursed the world, I cursed the stupid society that I'd always been against in certain situations recently. I really hated everything. There was raw hatred within me, and raw sorrow. Those emotions were wondrously wrecking.

Luckily I have Brisingr now. Seeing how Chris is there (I feel that he's an Indigo) outside trying to awaken the world through his writings, I feel real comforted. There're so many authors and artists out there who're still trying to make people realize, to make truth dawn on this earth as it should have many centuries ago. It should have, and it didn't.

That's why it's extra hard to realize what we're doing now, and what lies ahead of us.

And anyway, Wing broke with Ant yesterday. They broke up, cuz Wing's mom forced them to. Ant was kinda sad so I counselled him for a long time today once I got home, and I hope my adviced has reached his ears well.

I remember counselling him by trying to show him that decision-making and empathy and forgiveness was very important. Also, trust, and of course, moving on. Letting go and moving on, the two vital hinderers many lovers face in their journey.

All the while I've been empathizing. As in...visualizing things from his point of view and provoking the same type of emotions in myself as he would have. And I tried to forge a way out of him, but I made it clear that even while I'm counselling, I will not say things that many counsellors say. Eg. "Let's work together for this", and instead I said, "No, you'll have to do it yourself."

What I really meant was: even though I may be there for him now to guide him and show him a way out, I can never be there always. He would have to seek within his own heart to find his own guidance, for that will be where everything comes along as life passes. Life is of such multiple folds whose magnitude we can never estimate, and it is vital to know that not all things will come in your favour everytime.

This is to survive.

And I'm happy that I helped him with it. It was the longest counselling talk I've ever given anyone, and I'm happy it worked. At least...I gave him much of the guidance I could give.

And I really wanna start on my own story soon! Legacies Ennead! It's haunting me in my head ahhh!!!

An Eltheron. Omg poor Eltheron. He comes into my dreams too, and the two of us have a type of strange connection. Fancy I'm his creator lol.

Kz. Oh yea, I got 36 /50 for math today. Not the best I wanted, BUT I DIDN'T FAIL! THERE WERE PPL WHO FAILED!!! YES!!! I MEAN, I WASN'T AMONG THE PPL WHO FAILED!!!

I'M SO DARN HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!! And originally i should have gotten 38, but minus 2 for presentation and units.

Woo hOOOOO!!!!

Shoot. Physics tomorrow.

Nvrm, wets my candle of mind.

Cyas, gtg now! I'm happy I helped and played my part as Lightworker. I managed to help anthony, even though it's not by light healing. XD I should try that too, but I hope my words will do him enough good for now.

BB, night!

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~~~*The Winds struck at 8.56pm*~~~

Aurinya blogged at 7:28 PM

Roaming the Winds