Wandering with the Wind...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Hey...I'm sorry about not posting for such a long time, because I've been on a fanfic craze for the past few weeks writing about Eragon. Well, it is the toughest fanfic I've ever encountered and written, but I'm happy to take up the challenge. I've got quite a few blocks; Bren had helped me uncover some plotholes too, especially the dragons and all that, and I realized that I was straying a little away from CP's main plot. But since it's fanfic, and since it's already written, it's a challenge - and I'll take it up; passion is for naught if you don't face up to the problems which come with it.

Besides, speaking of challenge, I got back my SEI six seconds EQ report today. My EQ was 127. Okay, I'm pretty happy with it (did it as truthfully as I can), but I got a challenge for my "Empathy" category. It was darn high, almost reached the maximum. Lol! I have been aware that I tend to make use of empathy a lot, not like I act on them physically or visibly (I do things undercover n some of my closer pals know that), yet I never knew it had posed a challenge to me. Yup, it gets annoying at times when others' emotions influence me so much that it becomes so darn hard to ignore. It's a terrible millstone to take, at times, if you'd want to act on what you perceive.

Anyways...I'm really loving my fanfic a lot. I've got 13 reviews so far, not like it's very good and really forthcoming, but really...I just wanna ignore what others think of the fic for now. I'll be receptive to advice and criticism, of course, to improve myself, and work on others' encouragements too, but if ppl flame me I think I'll ignore. So far no flames yet, but what I'm going to introduce (to break my block and cover up a plothole) may not be very stable. But still, I admit it's fun to write. It is a challenge, of course, a terribly haunting one since it gets up my brain and all that. But really, it makes me feel that I've found another meaning for existence.

Expression.

Not like we can always express freely whatever we want, in this society, but at least...existence holds the essence of expression. While one exists, expression always pervades our very being. We always express, no matter what we do, where we are, when it is. It is what lives within us.

These few days I'm thinking of my world again. I was just lying down in bed one night a few days ago, and I visualized myself walking along this wet rocky bank beside a river in the forests. Above were tall rock walls, and in the distance a gray mountain. There was wind all around...leaves flying, flowers fluttering, trees swaying and groaning and everything. The water was clear as liquid crystal, though it was also so deep that I couldn't see anything underneath it. There was a bell in the wind; the shimmering sounds of bells...

And then I was standing in one of the green heaths with tall grass which lapped against my chest. The sky was a shade of crimson, burning clouds drifting...and ahead of me was another lone mountain. The sun was nearby, but not to be seen. The mountain was huge; it wasn't ice-capped, but it was brownish-gray, and it wasn't as tall as the ones I had previously stood upon in my world. And I began to step back, back from the mountain, and grass rustled against me.

Then I heard voices behind me, crying out to me. I turned and saw Emvelain and sis and bro hurrying forward, they were laughing and their faces were bright with joy as we revelled in our reunion. They held my hands and we ran closer to the end of the cliff, where we jumped and flew...we flew, Emvelain holding on to me to stop me from falling. There was an endless stretch of patched fields beneath us; we were so high above the ground it was almost like at the top of the world...there were no clouds, and the sky was blue...Emvelain was telling me, "have confidence in flying! Believe you can fly and you can get out of what holds you back!"

There was a resistance, but I believed him. I believed myself. And I tried my best...

I fell asleep afterwards.

Haiz. I never got to know what happened next, but at that time my visualization acted of its own accord. At the ending part whereby I was almost about to fall asleep, when Emvelain was encouraging me, it was as though half of myself was really inside that ethereal world. For a moment I really believed I was there, free, trying to fly...

Perhaps it never really happens here. Dreams are...nvrm.

I had a terrible dream yesterday, a nightmare, and I can't really remember much of it. I just know that there's this guy in my room (ok, real bedroom where I would be at night), and the bedside lamp was on (just like when I slept that time). I was screaming for 3 times, screaming out to my dad, 2 times during which I was dreaming in my dream and I was shouting for my dad - he didn't hear. The third time I was "awake in my dream" but kinda semi-conscious and I shouted at the top of my lungs, though I believe in reality I didn't cuz my parents weren't there.

Then I remembered, that guy told me one sentence which sounded something like "Dreams are the only times whereby you are fully open to spirits" and he told me to remain open. He told me to relax and not to close up to the spiritual connections. It's as though he's telling me, I shouldn't be afraid of him just because he was a spirit. But at that time I was so freaked out - it was as though he was really there. When I had that dream myself it was as though I was semi-conscious.

Nvrm. Weird dreams, weird spirits, weird tales. They may all piece up to something, but I'll have to wait for the time being.

Anyways, today the school introduced the Creative Arts Programme (CAP). I think I'm gonna apply for it; my passion is in writing and arts, even though I may not be at my max potential for it, but I believe I can try. At least, I'll try. Just hope that my mom allows and gives me enough time to prepare my portfolio. The only thing I'm scared about is the teacher's recommendation - hello, they can just degrade you and say "strongly disagree".

Not like I left any particular impression upon my eng teacher. If it's Damini she may back up like siao, but I haven't been opening up my full potentials to her. Nay, I don't do as well in school with the themes they provide. They're so darn restricted.

I just hope she's not bias, just hope she gives me a chance, and let me get through this. I want to nurture where I know my passion lies, and meet people of the same kind...

Oh please...

Okay. Gtg now, cyas.

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~~~*The Winds struck at 2.52pm*~~~

Aurinya blogged at 2:21 PM

Roaming the Winds