Wandering with the Wind...

Friday, August 21, 2009

Wow, what a terribly long break. Not in the literal sense since, you know, we have exams and PTs et all, but I've just been kept away from blogging for quite some time, and I have to say the past month was one of the worst I've ever had. Lots of stuff chucked in our timetables; just got rid of a whole clump of annoying things today (exams + guitar rehearsal + guitar costumes + Chinese PT + Jap Compos), and another clump's comin' up. *Sob* No time to pursue the arts for now, have to get myself settled down.

Goodness, just the first few seconds and I'm already getting emo - when pressure and stress comes up, my emoness follows suit. ><>

I guess it IS kinda irritating that I'm so darn idealistic. It makes things a lot harder, and living with constant longing for this unknown something isn't exactly the best anyone could wish. I'm not saying I hate being such a dreamer; my idealism is, after all, what propels my passion in art anyway, but sometimes it just gets a little...you know, too much.

These few days my world just grows too taunting; in those dreamy seconds before sleep, my inner world seems so close, so realistic, I could simply hear the wind and feel the entire ambience of it, and yet there's this barrier that keeps me from crossing over, and that's what makes it seem so far away. And then again there are all those terribly vivid and amazing dreams, which leave you aching and feeling dang hollow when you wake up into reality. It's really hard to stop dwelling upon these things.

And what's more, now my dream companions aren't coming back anymore. I still catch occasional glimpses of them in my dreams but we seldom get to exchange more than a few words; the most vivid one was the month-old dream about my dream companions visiting another dimension with me into our past, but I fell asleep in the dream in the end and when I woke up it was reality. It's as though a phase (like childhood) ended along with sec 1, a little sad haha. I still remember that farewell dream in p6, the one on the moon, dreams before that used to be so nice and secure despite the same mysterious ambience - now it's just a vast dreamworld with so many strange faces and unknown places, and I have to find my own way.

I dunno, maybe this is a sign telling me that it's time to grow up.

Yup, my parents used to chide about how I should grow up; forget those stuff cuz they aren't real, and face what's coming instead of being a coward. It's kinda true I guess, but to think of discarding all these idealisms, like abandoning dream after dream, just isn't very easy. I run too much. Like the sort of wandering idiot who pauses every few seconds along the road to gaze at the clouds, taking every chance to forget what's going on and just simply drinking in the dream, and then panicking when you think of the long long road ahead and what you'll have to face in the who-knows-what-will-happen crazy future.

Wish I was more practical, a little more...you know, "mature" in terms of dealing with life, but there's always this little part in my mind that urges me otherwise, to remain the self I've always been since birth. Kinda funny huh, how growth can be so complex. Maybe that's why people are so scared of aging; you have this terrible conflict going on deep inside, one side bound by ettiquettes and laws, saying you need to act as what a person of your age should, and the other yearning to go back to where everything originated from. Of course, this disregards the physical factors, but the underlying complication is there.

As what Az and I agreed, time is indeed the biggest bully.

Alright! I should REALLY shut up. Have a feeling that this is boring you guyz...hmm let's see what should I do...ah yes, PICTURES!! I did another piccie in photoshop over the past month, it depicts a scene my inner world. XD I have a lot more, mainly OCs (okay, ALL OC designs), but posting them all up will destroy my formatting for some weird reason. Will post them up slowly so that blogger doesn't get chucked up.

Kay, so here goes.

1) Looking Back

Description: A landscape pic I did in photoshop, took about 2 hours. Very amateur, but it depicts very adequately this sunset scene in my inner world. In case my work is so noob you can't see what's there, um...that's the sun, the sky, the clouds, the mountains, and a lonely fence in the foreground. Yup. My sunsets are usually lonely, isolated and a little cold, as in, not the warm golden-y type. I do have those too, but at different places and different times.

Used a combi of soft-shade, cel-style and airbrushing. Played around with adding 10% opacity black in the touch-ups for this pic to give it a bit of a painting feel. Have a lot to improve on, but I liked how this turned out.

Funny how I actually wanted so bad to pounce into this scene when I was colouring it in photoshop. ^^"
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Okay that's the end of pic-sharing for today! I'm practically dead after all the stuff today. Ah well shouldn't complain this much - I bet teachers have it worse.

And when we grow up, it'll be our turn to have it worse too. There you go, a new metaphysical cycle born...

So before I get drawn into this new metaphysical blackhole, I better sign out. Don't feel like cheesing you guyz off anymore. =D I need some...er, proper rest! Yeah! Oh and Az is coming to my house tomorrow!!

To discuss PTs and RS.

But of course, be rest assured we'll play. I'll er, haunt someone if we don't. Okay signing out! Night~!

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~~~*Played with the winds at 9.36pm*~~~

Aurinya blogged at 8:38 PM

Roaming the Winds