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Monday, May 17, 2010
Stole this from Kim's journal. :D
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RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, mp3 player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
5. Tag 15 friends
6. Everyone tagged have to do same thing
7. Have Fun!
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IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
- Imagination 2. (Oh yes, use your imagination.)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
- Loneliness. (Ahhahhah, I would like that of an adequate proportion.)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
- Existence. (Ah yes, I question my existence for numerous times just like every other day. =__=)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
- It's the Training. (What training?! For what? Who what when why how? @__@)
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
- Requiem for a Dream. (Now that's interesting...)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
- Serenade of Nirvana. (What the - okay...I'm spiritual and I meditate....huh? OxO)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
- Prayer. (Well they're certainly UNlike prayers to me. Maybe I'm praying for something else in them. Or maybe I subconsciously pray for them. Gawh)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
- Afterglow. (Afterglow? Of what? Of things? .__. Sounds mysterwious)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
- Always. (Oh yes, I think of her as my best friend always. Didn't we use to say Best Friends forever....^^")
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
- Aoi no Sora. (Translation from Jap: Blue Sky. Woohoo I love skies. Especially when it has clouds in them...hmm, not necessarily blue, but I do like natural sky blue.)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
- Canon Groove. (Now that totally doesn't say anything. I think. Maybe my life is going to be as rough as the canon. Well that sucks. >.>)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
- Autumn Chrysanthemum. (Oooo, isolated, dreamy, mysterious, melancholic? XD Well I do love autumn.)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
- For You. (O.M.G. No I don't think I'm THAT selfless and this is sounding wrong.)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
- Beni Soubi. (Translation from Jap: Battle of the Red Rose. HUH. They think I'm a battle? And what's with red rose...blood? O__O Blood and romance? hurhur)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
- Bond. (Now that's nice. It's not a dancing song at all but I suppose the meaning is nice.)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
- Break Dance Instructor. (LOL, yea right, playing the first song that ever started me off being interested in dance and exercise - which I no longer am btw. >.>)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
- Burial. (Whoa, sounds ominous. I don't want to dig graves. :O)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
- Caravan. (Well most of them ARE fun people XD)
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
- Raikiri. (Getting hit by Kakashi's Raikiri. Yes, that would suck indeed. =_=)
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
- Lord of Ideals. (Right on the point dude. I regret being so damn idealistic. D:)
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
- Hokage's Death. (WTF - lol! Utter disrespect muahaha! >D)
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
- New York. (Does it? =O Seems like I shouldn't go there after all.)
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
- Guidepost. (Oolala, seems like I need some form of...instruction, before I can say anything.)
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
- Maplestory Fantasy Journey. (Ahha! Now does it. It does seem so excruciatingly happy and dreamy.)
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
- Following Memory. (2 meanings to this. Either I should check my memory to see if anyone truly does, or that this is now memory. Which I hope not.)
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
- Gaara's Memory. (I would, wouldn't I? >:D)
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
- A Crisis After Another. (Bwahaha! That fits so well indeed!)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
- Beautiful World. (*.*)
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Weeeee~ That was fun! =D Anyone can do it btw. Yeah.
Short update: Still dying under PTs, 58/60 for art SOVA exam which was really unexpected (considering I was short of time in the end), and Kim apologised and we made up. :) Hooray for resolved friendship problems!
Now back to the sucky life.***~~~*Played with the Winds at 10.44pm*~~~
Monday, May 10, 2010
Horrors of NAPFA 2.4 ended when we were all saved by the beautiful, impeccably timed lightning alert...save for those already on their 4th round on the track that is. Poor things...but, well, Utilitarianism, most of us get the good stuff so...tough luck.
Yeah right. Philo is cruel. =__= Having an exam on it 2 days from now doesn't make it any better.
Anyway I'm kind of in a dilemma..as I have been for so many times this year. She seems distressed. Well somewhat at least, from what I read on her blog and her convos with me. Personally I'm confused as to why she is conversing with me on MSN these few days as if nothing happened when she pushed me away not more than 1 week ago - and also wondering why I actually replied and responded beyond one-word replies. Maybe it's a thing for being sentimental.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well as I was saying about her aforementioned "distress", it seems that she's wallowing in some kind of regret over past actions or just, perhaps, some frantic wishing that someone didn't do something or that something didn't happen the way it did. I have no clue what it is about but I believe I shouldn't nose in where things might prick. But somehow, just somehow, I thought I should at least try to cheer her up.
Really, what's wrong with me? I'm still angry and hurt over that incident you know - well not as much now, but the emotion is definitely there. If I could I would've just ignored her during her very first MSN convo with me after that day, or gave her some form of sarcastic reply and made it our last parting for good. But oh well, guess I really have too little resolve for my own good.
I still want to help her in one way or another. I believe she as how she appeared would not want a lot of sympathy / pity / empathy / whatever sentimental emotions, especially from someone whom she deliberately pushed away, but other friends tell me she doesn't get along well with a lot of people. It is quite observable too in a sense. I would like to help - but not knowing what she truly needs and helping in the wrong way would end up taking us nowhere if not aggravating the situation.
Suppose I'd just leave this issue here for now, and watch how things take their course.
On a sidenote, Ming Wei asked if I could accompany him tomorrow when he goes to change some music instrument since he "felt bored and needed company". Sounds like one of those emo spouts that Endro and I would experience at times; those sudden moments whereby you just wish you could contact someone and rant or whatever lol. Yeah it happens. Too bad the workload enchains me to weeks of toil - which will not see an end till the June hols are in sight.
Week 10 then, after my projects and exams are down. I really have no time at all for these couple of weeks.
Oh yeah, reminds me I'll have to change my guitar strings immediately after concert. I'm kinda worried they'd snap during concert you know, since they look pretty rusted and worn and I haven't changed them for nearly 1.5 years (the 6th string looks dangerous), but if I change them now it would suck too cuz the guitar would keep going off-tune. Well, let's just hope they won't snap.
I miss piano. >.< ***~~~*Played with the Winds at 10.05pm*~~~
Sunday, May 9, 2010
LIFE. SUCKS.
6 projects??? Concurrent??? Due end of term??? Plus upcoming Guitar Concert and extra practice sessions??? Good grief you've GOT to be kidding me!!
Now kids, the above scenario has illustrated a growing problem in our education system.
According to common sense observation, school has proved to be mentally scathing, suffocating, utterly heartless, illogical, emo hell, pressurizing and hypocritic, amongst many other things. It has caused countless hyperventilations and nervous breakdowns in bed at night and open declarations to "give up on life", and took away time, along with all meaning of life, from all its poor little victims who suffer under the crippling workload that presses them to their early deaths at less than 6 hours of sleep per night (refer to recent yahoo news). It puts too much emphasis on result and exams and percentages and so called "excellence" in performance that your life is filled up with it - and everyone starts fighting savagely and not sleeping (in extreme cases for 3 days straight) for a flimsy piece of progress report with As and A+s which are downgraded to, in the sudden-academic-difficulty-jump sec 3 context, straight passes. Our future is dissolved to quantity of academic achievements and certificates. Our spirits are melted into mushy blobs that drag past every day of the week. Our clocks are wound down to 12 hours per day with the proportion of work we receive.
Oo yeah. Now add all that up and what does that tell you?
Yes, school is bad for you.
If you want a healthy education go to somewhere in which your sanity is guaranteed.***~~~*Played with the winds at 10.58pm*~~~
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I think I'm really starting to believe in sunshine after the rain. Yesterday was dark, but in this darkness I found lights that were otherwise outshone in normal times by stress and such preoccupations of the mind...I found new friends in those I have otherwise not considered as particular close friends, and I found friends who are actually true. Tangible, true, friends who would actually be there for me.
It was really, I think, one of my first major depressions (despite the main thing having lasted for only one day, and the next comprises of merely a dull ache), and I was so weirded out I talked to so many people to derive some form of comfort and...guidance. I had been so confused as with how I should continue. But yeah, I'm glad I still have true friends; they really helped me out a lot you know, they stood by me, gave words of comfort and not just words, they acted on them too.
These are, I believe, the friends I should really trust and pay most of my social attention to.
In a way I should say...this entire incident IS indeed depressing, and I did feel in one way or another very betrayed (which I bet is the first time in many years), but I also did learn a few something-s from it. I learnt that I trust people too easily. Not in her way, but it's just that, when someone manages to get past the acquaintance level in my standards and is considered my friend, I tend to give that person all my trust. I wouldn't think he or she had something against me at all, unless she was showing it. I wouldn't suspect he or she would try to harm me or would, without purposefully trying, do so in the end.
I won't raise my standards for friends any higher. As of now I am happy with those that I've made - because with an exception of her the others have thus far stuck with me through thick and thin and I value their friendship very, very much. But I am going to be more cautious now, because I've had my first - no, second, encounter with the dark side of people. I'm a generally evasive person so I avoid all forms of conflicts when able to, and when such things happen I often feel very, very confused and shocked, for if there was something wrong I would usually have managed to pick up the signs and do something to prevent further deterioration of whatever situation it might be.
It makes me feel as if my perception and judging skills have been washed down the drain.
And with that there's another thing...the most outrageous thing about this entire friendship crap. I've been utterly fooled, yeah? If you didn't like a person then DON'T act like you do. It may make you seem like you're "bearing with it", "putting up with it", "tolerating it", but really, all it shows is just the hypocritic side of people. I don't mind if you cleanly, decisively TOLD me that you didn't like me since the start. What's the point of acting if you know it would aggravate the hurt you would cause to the person in concern? Or maybe you don't. Or maybe that's really your purpose, to hurt that person. Maybe it's your way of taking revenge. But in this case, for now unless other unimaginable things happen, I would like to believe that you have an unaltered nature.
Look, we're both in sec 3, everyone here is, and we are all VERY busy. If your version of an ideal friend, no, from your actions I wouldn't even add in the word "ideal", is that that person pays FULL attention to you every single damn time, and that all of the who what where why when and how-s must be focused on you and you alone, then I'd rather not be counted amongst your "friends". Because if I were, I would have to EARN your friendship. Friendship with you is earned, right? It doesn't flow naturally, right? Because if I want to continue that friendship I have to give up my life and other concerns and just focus everything on you.
You want people to be there and listen to you everytime. But are you yourself a listener in the first place? No. You are not.
How many times when others and I have emoed have you actually listened, if not gave advice / comfort, and not changed the topic (like you criticise those of you so-called not-friends of)?
How many times have you actually considered that there would be deeper reasons behind people's actions and that they canNOT be full-time social nannies?
How many times have you actually reflected upon yourself instead of always seeing the wrong in other people?
You say I would kill myself if the damn book doesn't get published. Excuse me, if you don't take the illustrations as seriously as I do, what is the problem anyway? Our deadlines ARE crazy. So what if I stress out about it? I'm trying to take responsibility. In normal context with normal friends I would not have actually suspected that you would take it as offensive, though it seems like I would have to revise that with your case. If you're telling me to pick between getting killed by the publishers for missing the deadline and paying full attention to your emoing, then I'd go with the former. Because I have to prioritise.
I'm saying all the things here that I, similarly as you said on your blog, cannot bear to say on a public platform. Though ironically this IS a public platform but I know nobody really reads it anyway. Most of the time I'm just ranting to air, but it relieves me of the build-up, and it's surprising that something non-sentient such as air could actually take up the role of a friend.
You've pushed me away. I will not attempt to go back to you, and since I have read your blog and understood more I no longer have any inclination to do so anyway. From now on we are no longer friends, we're complete strangers as you've implied. And thus I have no obligation to listen to you anymore. I have no obligation to care about whatever you want or desire or do, as long as it's beyond my requirement of conscience and social awareness as a human being. If I've given you what I could before, and you did not appreciate it, now I'm taking it back.
I will not be mean to you. But there will not be any semblance of friendship between us. I am indeed the very sentimental type, and kudos if you've gotten that, but I can choose to forget things I'd want to. Maybe ten years down the road I'd still remember, "oh, you're the art illustration person I worked with in sec 3", but that will be all. I may not forget entirely.
But I will remember that our friendship started in January, and lasted for a mere four months.
Thank you for the interesting times with you I had during the past four months. But yes, our paths cannot cross any further and thus we will be parting.
As a response to your poem on your blog:
Paths that were never meant to cross
Would one day do so
For we are all wanderers on our way
Whither to we do not know,
And being lost, such wroughts betwixt us
The budding of friendship and support,
To hold us through.
But times come and by, and not all stands
In the way of our viewing. We all know
There would be days of parting, as were there other days
And someday paths that walk in different ways
Will thus part in different pursuits;
We may wish we never met, wish we had just
Not taken that first look in our eyes that started it all,
But alas, that is not so,
And ten years down the road, this memory
Which has failed to endure time
Will fail us both.
Perhaps we will have a new beginning,
Another chance to see in each other
A new friend, a time reborn.
But as of now,
We will be strangers.
For the last time I will turn,
And with no regrets say,
Farewell my friend, here I leave you.***~~~*Dreamt with the Winds at 10.02pm*~~~
Thanks to all the blogs the designer referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
