" height="40" playcount="2"/>
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I missed 4.0 for Art by 2 marks. I died for my English paper however supposedly decent it is.
I scored 20/20 for Physics SPA skill 4, but that's nothing; it was sheer memorization of the experiment plan which Ms Poh just so happened to cover in tuition, nothing much on my part, so it doesn't prove anything all the same.
I'm so fucked up this year. I have no idea what to say about my Art. I know 3.6 is a pretty decent grade, but decent is...decent is,,,just not enough! Do you understand just how much art means to me?! Do you understand that it's not just the grades, but that it hurts me, mentally and physically, to know that I'm not good enough as always, even in art?! Do you understand?!!! 2 marks. 2 marks, determining a 3.6 and a 4.0, so near yet so far!
I love art, damn it! I love it so much I can't possibly love any more! I hate it that I have to screw up in all I do whatever it is. And yet at the same time I wonder just what has happened to me over the past few years...why am I now unhappy with a fucking decent grade, why am I unhappy with FULL marks? I hate the way I am now! I hate cowering under expectations, and I hate it that I can't get rid of this shit!
Fuck! Fuck it all!
And on a not so light side-note, I'm so damn worried about Heller. He seems to be going through a really tough time. Whatever it is, it's got to be worse than me, I've got to help him! Somehow! I can't watch him fade off just like that, it's not fair...I'm his devsis damn it, whatever it is I can at least try to help him. Oh man Heller please be alright please be alright D:
You're my best buddy online and a damn good listener, I'm just regretting that I haven't listened enough. Why won't you rant? Why won't you tell me?
Why won't you ask for help?
***~~~*Waited for the Winds at 12.18am*~~~
Thanks to all the blogs the designer referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
