Wandering with the Wind...

Friday, September 16, 2011

Today the EYAs officially ended, the main bulk that is, we're still left with Math about 2 weeks later. I went home and sat inspiration-less, and decided to practise semi-realistic portraiture. I drew Naruto or at least a semblance of him. I'm still failing really badly. I know I probably shouldn't expect too much of myself but really, somehow it's as if I'm a failure if I can't be exceptional in art. I want to be good in something. If I'm not good in everything, at least be good in something, that's the least I can do.

Naruto turned out so screwed. I put in so much effort into this piece...I referred to artists' works, flipped the canvas from left-to-right for proportion checks over and over and over, and I skipped dinner for it as well. Now I'm dead tired. And then someone suddenly pointed out to me that the eyes were positioned too far apart and as grateful as I am to him for his constructive criticism, I was so irked by the anatomical issue that I went back to edit it more than 3 times. The first was to pull the eyes closer together and blend everything out. The second was to Change the jawline a little because it looked too effeminate. The third was to edit the chin as well as a last-ditch attempt to not make him look too girly. I think it still failed in the end. I can't seem to do anything right, can I?

I know it's the end of the EYAs and I should be enjoying, not pressurizing myself more. But I've already lost so much this year because I didn't practise art as much as I did for the last few years. I can't let myself slack now. I do love art anyway, it won't be too much of a pain as long as I can take it. I can't lag behind, not now.

And yet sometimes I wonder, just who do I think I'm lagging behind? A lot of people out there, of course, but why must I bother about them? Why can't I go at my own pace?

I have no idea myself. I try to persuade myself, but at the end of the day I just get depressed and wonder just who is trying to persuade who, for both parts are me and both talk to the other as defiantly as possible to get their points across. I'm confused. I want to take a break, but I won't allow myself to...?

By the way, I'm addicted to "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday. It's such a sad song. It fits my mood nowadays.

I'm tired. So tired. I'm going to log off now, hopefully this depression over my art can go away soon so I can do something constructive about it.

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~~~*Waited for the Winds at 12.59am*~~~

Aurinya blogged at 1:00 AM

Roaming the Winds