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Saturday, October 29, 2011
...So I spent around 50+ bucks buying a frikkin' headphone. I liked the design and figured that since every one of my earphones ended up dying a horrible death, I should probably get something bigger and more...stable, hopefully, and which would wrap me up in the world of music. Let's not care about the proverbial bloody car which could be heading towards me any time.
I guess I'm quite pleased with the quality, well, not entirely, but whatever, I can't possibly spend more on a frikkin' headphone. I'm using the $150 I got from my mom for the three 4.0s this year. The remaining 100 bucks or so will be going into the new bank account which I'm gonna get next saturday; I think it's time to start saving things up, the money would probably be less of a burden on my mind if it's safely locked up somewhere. If I manage to keep the saving thing going, maybe I'd be able to gather enough funds for a lightbox or a tablet next year, that'd be awesome. Well, we'll see.
Alright dead tired today...Chinese overload and too much hassle from the CCA CIP hours shit and LEAPS points records...I have to sort it out with so many teachers! Agh! I hope Ms Seah and Mr Raihan don't throttle me for all the inconvenience I'm causing them. I feel so bad but I really want my points as well. ._. I mean, I do deserve them, I think! I did attend the sessions faithfully in 2009! I can't just get 0 points because the records show 66% attendance, it just doesn't make sense, yanno, since my 2010 one shows 93% and technically I should have attended more sessions in the previous year since I didn't have SAP then. It doesn't make sense. I'm not gonna rest till I get a proper explanation and a proper outcome as well.
Fix. Mah. Records. Goddamnit.
***~~~*Waited for the Winds at 10.47pm*~~~
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Some random guy got my MSN address somehow and suddenly IMed me when I came home today, and, well, he said a whole bunch of weird stuff, really weird stuff. Firstly, he wouldn't tell me who he was though I friggin' prompted thrice, and then he sent me a link, which I didn't click, and claimed that it was a picture of him and he - AGH geez! Simply put, he was being horny and probably wanted to either show himself in some compromising manner or try to lure me.
As usual, I was trying my best to be polite until after a couple of sentences I realised where it was going and promptly rejected him. And yeah there was some tassle on his part, trying to appeal to my sense of sympathy or something with shit words like "don't break my heart", and I told him that there was no fuckin' way his heart could be broken because he obviously doesn't even know me. Anyway, I don't care if his heart is broken. It'd be better that way.
Just...what...the...hell?
Stupid idiot. I'm still feeling kind of creeped out because I have no idea who this idiot is and how he's got my MSN address (unless it's someone on DA or Facebook), and also where the hell he lives because if he's got my MSN address, who knows if he's got something more? Like maybe my home address or something? I know now's not the time to be paranoid but this sets you thinking yo. He even had the audacity to claim that he loves me even though he's never even seen me before - probably the greatest WTF thing that I'm sure none of the people I actually interact with for a decent amount of time ever does, even on the net. I hope that means he's nowhere remotely near Singapore.
I can never get the hang of queer shits poppin' up all around me. I can deal with bad results and lost competitions and familial disputes but this is just so out of the blue, and I don't like it one bit. I'm caught between being creeped out and being amused by just how idiotic this little shit is behaving.
Well, I just remembered the fantastic function of BLOCKING a person on MSN. I'll do that. I'll do that right away.
Jesus.
***~~~Waited for the Winds at 11.08pm*~~~
Sunday, October 23, 2011
So, erm, yes, now I'm sixteen. No party poppers and catcalls and gay rainbow balloons please, I think sixteen is an age where people start to outgrow that instinctual excitement that children have at birthday celebrations. Somehow birthdays no longer seem like a very happy thing. Still special, maybe, but not happy, because they remind you of a year gained and many things lost.
They say "Sweet Sixteen", but personally I believe that there's a large word-bank of S-words that can replace the first in the pair.
Still, I think I have to say I had a pretty good, uh, sort of celebration yesterday. My mom dragged me out to the mall and we had lunch and she bought me a whole bunch of clothes, something I haven't done in over a year I think, watched a romance movie, and today morning she went out to buy this whole box of (expensive-looking) chocolate biscuits while I was asleep and wrote a small card of sorts to wish me happy birthday. Now that was touching. Yeah I'm touched, really, and at times like this I find myself confused as to whether my mom is a bitch or not. She's just so, you know, bipolar. It baffles me and I have no idea how I should deal with her.
I still appreciate everything she's done that definitely deserves appreciation, of course. It's just at times I get so mad at her, and at other times I feel either sorry or grateful and touched. I think all I really wish for is a stable relationship where one side doesn't have to constantly be in preparation for a full-blown mood swing from the other side. It just makes you live life on the tips of your toes and you know, there's a certain lack of...security.
Welp, whatever, I'm sixteen now, and that's probably all that matters for today. There're a lot of things to think about on your birthday. Whether you should be happy or sad is one of them.
***~~~*Waited for the Winds at 10.17am*~~~
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Why yes, now that my mom has very kindly insisted (like a bitch) on "taking care" of my Chinese studies, in preparation for the upcoming Os, I'm finding the freedom I've regained for a short period of time after my Jap Os being extremely short-lived. The short period of time being one day. One day being a whole bunch of hours wasted because my parents dragged me out to some stupid park and some stupid Chinese civilization exhibition, while I was sick from the jeebs I got from the panic attack thanks to Jap Listening Compre the previous day.
And today was horrible, because I was frikkin' trying to focus on my Bio group presentation and my mom kept hollering at me about the Chinese O-level past-year papers she made me do during the June hols while she was freezing off her lazy ass in Russia. So I went to print all the docs out, and then she yelled at me for not having written them out instead because who knows what shit I might've done on the com. Well what the shit indeed. I was saving time, goddamnit, because there's not a lot of time to talk about when you have a damned SAP Coursework and long-assed Chinese papers to rush through every single day. And then the most outrageous thing was that the goddamn bitch actually thought I'd copied all the answers from the answer booklet. What the fuck? We didn't even receive the answer booklet until a good one month after the June hols! She wouldn't believe me! Well guess not, but still!
The only amusing thing was that she made me redo the first cloze passage to check if my current answers are the same as the ones I wrote in June, but turns out they were not only the same, I actually scored full marks whereas I got one wrong for the June set. That was kind of funny. In her face, man, I wish there were more in-her-face moments. They make me feel just a tad better, and that's enough.
Now, in most cases I would have appreciated help, but my mom is an absolute no-no. Sure, she's a Chinese teacher and I must admit that she's pretty darn good in the subject, but the ways in which she's trying to get me to improve are all WRONG. You don't try to get people to improve by making them do mindless penmanship. That shit is for kids - you know, kindergarteners who can't write their shit properly with a pencil in one hand, or even two? You also don't get people to improve by making them read the passages in textbooks which aren't even used.
I know my own problems, okay? If I had my way, I'll just be spending hours per day reading Chinese books. Well that's the way I always study for Japanese. Basically what I did was know the grammar structures through the years, which wasn't that difficult since I'd make it a point to remember during the lessons themselves, revise some kanji, and then the rest was just reading random books and articles to get the feel of the language, and watching anime to improve my listening as well as oral capabilities. And this way has gotten me pretty far, or as far as a 4.0. I know how I learn languages, I know how I should be learning languages. It's just a hell lot of reading...a hell lot of reading, to get the feel of things because the way I do things is by feeling. Simple as that.
Well, the only thing I agree with her albeit reluctantly is the practice part...shit's gonna get real, man, and it's gonna hit the fan as well. I can just sense all the diabolic plans going on in her head to make me relive those hellish PSLE days in the coming month.
Ugh. GEP, then P4 Streaming, then PSLE, then Os, then SAT, then As, then college exams, then this humongous shit called work where you may very well return home one day to find the dining table missing. Exams, exams, and more exams! We're never gonna be free, are we?
Okay, end of rant. Now I shall start thinking about African kids and demented China students and remind myself of just how good a fucking life I'm living.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Jap Os Listening Compre was the hardest shit I've ever done all these years. I suffered a panic attack as well as a dizzy spell right after because I've never, seriously, never encountered a passage in LC that I couldn't understand from start to finish. Well you see, I was panicking over the previous passage and trying to scribble whatever answers I could remember when the next reading began to play, and by the time I finished scribbling, I couldn't catch the start of the next reading, so I ended up not understanding it at all. It was so fucked up. I knew something was very fishy when the grammar paper on Wed was so uncannily easy; turns out that they really did plan on killing us with the next two parts of the Jap paper. Man, of all the Jap exams, the only one I had to screw up is O levels. What the fuck is wrong with me and important exams?
I feel so tired now, and my head was swirling so badly after the exam that for a moment I seriously doubted I would make it for the MRT trip back home. Something is not right. It's probably the adrenaline, as well as the coffee, and the panic which hit right after I downed that caffeine drink...and a sort of hatred harboured against myself. I can already feel myself slipping back into depression. I must not lose my footing, must not let old shits happen again...because I know what can happen when I'm depressed and I'm trying my best to prevent its occurrence.
Heh, but speaking of which, I really think I'm such a goner. I can't do anything right somehow. Not my academics, not TAP, not even a game like TF2, not to mention my severely lacking people skills. Everything I do seems to garner an OTL moment. I'm no longer asking for people to have faith in me...I'm having trouble finding that faith in myself. I'm past that age of longing for people to "babysit" me. And yet with that longing gone, so is a whole layer of meaning in my life. Something feels...dismal. Not right. Shattered and unable to be pieced together again. I'd really like to know what it is, yet at the same time I think I shouldn't as well. Some things are probably best to be left alone to nature's course.
I'm tired. I can't type anymore. That's all for today.
***~~~*Waited for the winds at 6.18pm*~~~
Thanks to all the blogs the designer referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
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