Wandering with the Wind...

Friday, October 14, 2011

Jap Os Listening Compre was the hardest shit I've ever done all these years. I suffered a panic attack as well as a dizzy spell right after because I've never, seriously, never encountered a passage in LC that I couldn't understand from start to finish. Well you see, I was panicking over the previous passage and trying to scribble whatever answers I could remember when the next reading began to play, and by the time I finished scribbling, I couldn't catch the start of the next reading, so I ended up not understanding it at all. It was so fucked up. I knew something was very fishy when the grammar paper on Wed was so uncannily easy; turns out that they really did plan on killing us with the next two parts of the Jap paper.

Man, of all the Jap exams, the only one I had to screw up is O levels. What the fuck is wrong with me and important exams?

I feel so tired now, and my head was swirling so badly after the exam that for a moment I seriously doubted I would make it for the MRT trip back home. Something is not right. It's probably the adrenaline, as well as the coffee, and the panic which hit right after I downed that caffeine drink...and a sort of hatred harboured against myself. I can already feel myself slipping back into depression. I must not lose my footing, must not let old shits happen again...because I know what can happen when I'm depressed and I'm trying my best to prevent its occurrence.

Heh, but speaking of which, I really think I'm such a goner. I can't do anything right somehow. Not my academics, not TAP, not even a game like TF2, not to mention my severely lacking people skills. Everything I do seems to garner an OTL moment. I'm no longer asking for people to have faith in me...I'm having trouble finding that faith in myself. I'm past that age of longing for people to "babysit" me. And yet with that longing gone, so is a whole layer of meaning in my life. Something feels...dismal. Not right. Shattered and unable to be pieced together again. I'd really like to know what it is, yet at the same time I think I shouldn't as well. Some things are probably best to be left alone to nature's course.

I'm tired. I can't type anymore. That's all for today.

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~~~*Waited for the winds at 6.18pm*~~~

Aurinya blogged at 6:19 PM

Roaming the Winds