I want to live,
I want to die.
I want to run.
I want to escape.
I want to forget.
I want to sleep.
I want to go home.
I want to stop, stop it all.
There are so many things I want to say but I don't know how to. It's all that's on my mind now. I'm tired, so fucking tired, stuck in a rut with no energy and motivation to push myself forward. Can't fucking concentrate, can't do things right, can't stop myself from wishing so badly to just whip around and run away from all this insanity. Man, what good am I? I just want to become nothing, become insignificant...what's the point of existing if it means that I'll have to deal with all these questions and desires and regrets and existential anxiety almost every few minutes of my life? Why must I be here? Why must there even be a "me"? Why am I even thinking about all this shit when it's just causing me more and more unnecessary distress in my life?
God, I can't even type coherently now, much less consider things rationally as I should be doing. I'm exhausted. Since when did life suddenly become so absolutely fucking tiring? Since when did the very state of being alive start to drain all the energy from my reserve?! What's going on, what the fuck is going on --- what's going on with my life, god-fucking-damnit!
Must be the night, it's bringing everything out. I'll go sleep it off.
***
~~~*Waited for the Winds at 1.49am*~~~
Aurinya blogged at 1:51 AM
Roaming the Winds
World of the Wind
Current Music: 町, 时の流れ, 人 - Clannad
Name: Aurinya
Age: 16
School: RI (JC)
Class: 13AO3B l
H2Art
House: Hadley Hullet
CCA: Art Club
Favourite Artists: Fred Sandback l Lucian Freud l Francis Bacon l Van Gogh l Salvador Dali
Favourite Musicians: Joe Hisaishi
Favourite Singers / Bands: Linkin Park l Shinedown l Foo Fighters
Favourite Language(s): English & Japanese
Loves:
Visual Art, music, poetry, dreaming, spirituality, philosophy
Dislikes:
Authoritarianism, stupidity, tedium, meaningless things, busy schedules
A fan of:
Team Fortress 2, Portal 2, George Carlin, Improvaganza
Music of the Time:
1. Take a Walk - Passion Pit
2. I don't Mind - He is We
3. Boats and Birds - Gregory and the Hawk
4. Of Monsters and Men - Little Talks
5. Vanilla Twilight - Owl City
6. Call Me - Shinedown
7. Falling Slowly - Once
8. The Hill - Once
9. It was Love - Dima Bilan
10. Bronte - Gotye
Further Improvement in Art
CG & Draw as well as TF2 Artists
To love
To be loved
Get recognised
Be a happier person
Get closer to nature
Find meaning in life
Survive the School Year
Aurinya (Deviantart)
Az (Deviantart)
Tessa
Lou Shan
Kim Ho
Min Yi
Joan
Kana
Jolyn
Rebekah Lee
Port City
Art Initiatives 2011
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Blogskins
Fonts (Dobkin)
Main Pic
Imageshack
Thanks to all the blogs the designer referred to
(countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
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