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Saturday, July 7, 2012
I realised that I do have a lot of things to say after all but because I'm feeling rather helplessly drained now I'm going to type everything I wish to articulate in a mindless and very nearly unpunctuated rant that will hopefully make it a lot harder to read and save myself from horrible embarrassment but I want you to know that I love you so much and the fact that lately we can no longer spend so much time together makes me realise the almost excruciating strength of this love and sometimes I wish so badly to be able to go to your side whenever I want and hold your hand even if the whole exchange is in absolute silence but then when I look up and think of approaching you I see yunteng sitting near you and I stop myself at the sight of her contented smile or blissfully blank countenance because I don't want to be the one to intrude and wipe it all away for her and so I turn around and look down at my painting as if nothing happened and that everything is just fine the way it is and I want you to know that because I love you I want you to be happy and because I love you I try my best to make things better for you even if it's through insignificant little things like buying you lunch by the way sorry for the bitter-ass shit coffee today I was ignorant about your dislike for such beverages but I really hope I'm not overdoing things and I really hope I'm not doing things wrong because I love you so much I don't want this to end and I don't want you to leave me and I shamefully admit that sometimes when I see yunteng beside you looking so much like a better and more positive match I really wonder what you ever saw in me past all my flaws and despicable qualities and my inability to give you anything you might be proud of and I'm scared that one day you'll no longer need me and now that you're able to open up to people unlike last time you may find someone else with more to give and a better personality and yes I know it's probably all self-induced as a result of all my stupid insecurities but I'm trying to shake it off and I think I'll need heck loads of time but anyway even so I also want you to know that because I love you I will be giving you all the freedom you want and I want you to make more fulfilling friendships such that our relationship doesn't feed off an unhealthy need so I'll respect your decisions when reasonably made and by that I specifically mean the whole yunteng issue because I can sense that yunteng's good mood over the past couple of days may make you cease to perceive any point in telling her about us but if that removes most of the stress and makes you happy then go ahead I'll deal so don't worry I'm not going to bind you to me so please be free to do whatever because I love you and I trust that you'll be able to handle things well on your own and not hurt yourself like you used to
because
I love you because I love you because I love you because I love you because I love you because
***
~~~*Left with the Winds at 12.46am*~~~
Thanks to all the blogs the designer referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
