I regretted it tremendously.

  After two clips from "Philosophy of the Knife" I was already close to doubling over with the urge to puke. You see, I like to think of myself as someone who isn't easily disturbed by gore and morbidity, but this is...an...entirely new level altogether, and by that I mean a level where I would actually be vaguely aware of the tightness of my clenched fists and the cessation of my breathing for a good ten seconds. If you ever feel strangely inclined to be an utter fool like me with an almost masochistic tendency to make yourself depressed (actually that's not very hard to imagine, considering what you're doing to your knee), at the very least, DON'T watch the clip on the vivisection - that's the fucking quintessence of violence. Or the threshold of pain experiment. Or the X-Ray Radiation experiment. Come to think of it, you probably shouldn't watch a single damn thing from that movie. Now I'm absolutely scared of sleeping because all the images and sounds are whirling in my head and I can't seem to get rid of the screams even remotely well enough; it's as if I'm just waiting for them to manifest in some bloody horrific nightmare tonight, and, well I don't quite know what to do with myself as I sit here typing away, trying to make myself forget what I've read and watched even though it's most certainly a vain attempt.

  This reminds me of the time I challenged myself to sit through the entire first sequence of The Human Centipede and a couple of clips from the second sequence. While kind of on par with the aforementioned movies in terms of gore, It wasn't that bad actually, probably because I knew it's perfectly fictional and I was watching events happen to individuals who don't and have never existed before (even as a representation of someone else or a particular community). Okay, maybe not the part about sewing the victims together, considering what the Nazis did to all those twins unfortunate enough to fall into their hands. But at least the plot wasn't a direct depiction of true stories and didn't bear overwhelming resemblance to historical events, and you don't have to keep thinking throughout the show about the kind of terror and pain and desperation and every single damn thing that can screw up the mind beyond any semblance of sanity. It's precisely the kind of thing I cannot stand for long, because my inclination to empathise with practically everything will most definitely kill me with the weight of the victims' experiences.

  Sigh. Alright, I should go to sleep now. Let's hope I get a fairly peaceful night.

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~~~*Left with the Winds at 1.03am*~~~