Monday, September 10, 2012
And after 257 posts over a total of four years, I've decided to close this channel and move on to a simpler platform on tumblr. Yes, four years, all of which amounted to an archive bursting with dark emo-fests, forgotten childhoods, joys and pains and dreams and sorrow. It's not easy to leave this familiar blogskin and warm up quickly to the new plain, emotionless white theme, but I can't stay in one place forever, and it's about time to close one window and open another.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Sometimes it takes just a little reflection to scour the gritty surface of life and gaze into the barren visage that lies underneath, and we would come to the realisation, even if just for a short moment, that the weaknesses and needs we believe so strongly to be our own plague many others equally in unseen hours. The hidden tears, the concealed troubles, the carefully contained emotions sealed in a vessel packed too tightly with other vessels to make a sound; all these mixed signals swirling in a soup of madness that drifts from person to person, cushioning cold shoulders, obscuring hostile glares, lubricating the trillions and trillions of little cogs in a gargantuan social machine that will never stop working itself to the end of infinity. That is not to say, of course, that no good comes from this insulation. It saves. It saves us by alleviating the most corrosive effects of strife, but not without exacting a payment of sorts.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
I think I've broken my record for the number of hours slept in one go, and even while I'm typing here I still can't believe myself, not to mention I'm incredibly pissed. I was so tired yesterday evening that I nearly fell asleep on the MRT standing and almost missed my stop, and then by the time I got home after math tuition I was feeling all dizzy so I took a nap at around 7.35pm. I set my alarm clock to 8.30pm at the LOUDEST BUZZER VOLUME, thinking that my parents would wake me up at 8.30 in time for dinner.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
And I'm really only being far too idealistic. Often a time I would think I had made some progress and bettered myself, that over the years, the intoxicating effects of the dreams that used to have such a strong hold on me have been negated by wave after wave of reality, and for a short while I would feel mildly sure of my place in this world...until times like this, when I would awake abruptly amidst all the buzzing humdrum, only to realise that what remains of my idealism is just so deeply insidious that I'm completely unaware of it. What he said yesterday was absolutely spot-on. It hit the pin, drove it right into my head, and for a good hour or so I couldn't stop hearing those words in my head like some sort of gyrating bird, reminding, reminding, reminding.
Monday, September 3, 2012
I've decided that at least for the next few weeks, I won't hate you, curse you, or punish you anymore. I'm tired, but even so I'm not going to give myself anymore excuses. I've been an unreasonable parent in both conceivable ways, and I'm going to change that.
Saturday, September 1, 2012